I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Tag rule (from Mike): Simply load your entire playlist on your favourite music-playing device (be it an iPod, WinAMP, your 99-disc CD changer, or a comely soprano named Katya) and hit the Shuffle button. Then, use the shuffled playlist make the soundtrack for the movie of your life, using the life events in the table below. The choices Shuffle bestows upon your life will range the gamut from completely nonsensical to eerily perfect.
Opening Credits: No Sleep Tonight - The Faders - That's a fun song to start my life!
Waking Up: Beverly Hills - Weezer - I think I would scream if I woke up to this song
First Day Of School: The Sharp Hint of New Tears - Dashboard Confessional - How depressing! I love school, so this one doesn't really fit.
Prom: Ramble On - Led Zeppelin - Looks like I went to the prom with Mike.
Life's Okay: Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson - I do love some Kelly Clarkson
Driving: The Voice Within - Christina Aguilera - This is actually one of my top belt-out-in-the-car-alone songs...I even do the hand movements as I change pitches...it's fun!
Falling In Love: This is Such a Pity - Weezer - Hmm, is my love life really that sad?
Breaking Up: The Authority Song - Jimmy Eat World - This makes me smile
Mental Breakdown: Good Idea at the Time - OK Go - Sounds about right.
Reconciliation: No Rain - Blind Melon - All I can think of with this song is Mike playing it on repeat 16 times in a row, so it pretty much makes my blood boil. Not so good for a reconciliation song.
Wedding: Box of Rain - Grateful Dead - I must have worn flowers in my hair instead of a veil.
Sex Scene: Waterfalls - TLC - LOL! That's kinda gross!
Birth of Child: Winding Road - Sheryl Crow - Hopefully this scene will be edited out of my movie.
Dance Sequence: Something - The Beatles - Must be a boring dance scene...I was really hoping for Jamiroquai
Flashback: Whipping Post - The Allman Brothers Band - Apparently I'm suffering from PTSD to be having such violent flashbacks
Final Battle: Aint No Other Man - Christina Aguilera - I'd probably forget to fight cause I'd be too busy singing...I do love Christina!
Death Scene: Stone Free - Jimi Hendrix - Sounds good to me
Funeral Song: Cold Day in July - Dixie Chicks - Seems appropriate for a funeral...sad and hopeful at the same time
Closing Credits: Don't Follow - Alice in Chains - That's right, don't even try to emulate my greatness :)
Now I tag Chris V., Elena, and Danielle (If she reads this) to do the same!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
4 8 15 16 23 42
So Mike and I have officially become addicted to Lost. We finished the first season and ended up downloaded the entire second season from itunes...we could not wait for the DVDs to come out. Anyway, we're a few episodes into the second season. I don't really love the show, but I always want to watch the next episode because I'm left wondering what will happen. I wish it were a movie and would end at some point. Anyway, Mike became minorly obsessed with the numbers in the series and wrote what they meant in his life. Then he "tagged" some of us to do the same.
4 - The total number of years it took for me to finish my bachelor's and master's degrees.
8 - This was always my lucky number growing up...I have no idea why.
15 - The age that I won the high school city JV tennis championship...go me!
16 - I made my first big purchase...I paid half of my first car.
23 - June 23 was the date my gift from Mike arrived in the mail for my 23rd birthday.
42 - The age of my dad when his father died.
There ya go honey...I answered your stupid "tag." Now it's time to get off my ass and go to work. Unfortunately for me it's the end of the fiscal year which means HUGE reports. My supervisor has passed one of her biggest reports on to me to do, so all day I will be deep in paperwork working on our annual review for our hospital response program. I also was picked as chairwoman of a committee to re-write all of the client forms. I thought this wouldn't be such a bad task, but it's turning out to be quite a chore. I can't wait until next week when I go back to seeing clients all day. I didn't get a counseling degree to do paperwork!
Current mood:  calm
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I have a new toy :) No, not that kind of toy...my sister gave me a Blackberry for my birthday. It's very exciting. Now I just have to learn how to use it!
Now for the not so exciting news...the doctor thinks I have pneumonia. I've lost my voice for the most part and had an asthma attack last night for the first time in years. Luckily it was mild. Stupid me tried to run at the gym last night while under the weather...not the best choice ever. It must have been drug-rep day at the doctor's office though, because he gave me free samples for 3 of the 4 medicines he prescribed. Doesn't take much to make me happy.
Current mood:  tired
Monday, June 19, 2006
In my last update, I forgot to share my exciting (well, exciting for me) week. I spent all last week in St. Pete at the Florida Council Against Sexual Violence (FCASV) conference. We were supposed to drive down there early Tuesday morning, but Alberto was coming on shore. My supervisor was insisting that we leave anyway (to drive through counties that had mandatory evacuations), but logic and the majority prevailed and we got to the conference a little late, but we were safe. The conference was really interesting. I'm a big nerd, so I love learning everything new. I went to 2 different sessions on Art Therapy, and I can't wait to start using some of the methods and ideas. I think it will really enhance the support group that I do, and I think some of the interventions and activities will help particular clients that are blocked or having a hard time talking about their traumas. I also want to organize a survivor art show for next year's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Our event bombed this year -- there were like 25 people there and about 22 already work in this field. I think an art show, done right, would bring out a more diverse group of people. I talked to our exec. director about it, and she thinks maybe she can get a local, gourmet restaurant to cater the opening night. The little bit of art I've already done with my clients has been EXTREMELY powerful, and I think it would speak very loudly to community members who may not know what it's like to be victimized or preyed upon.
The other highlight of the conference was meeting the prosecutor in the Kobe Bryant case. She was one of the best speakers I've ever heard. She talked a lot about the media's impact in that case. She showed the real facts and evidence from her files, and it is clear as day that he was guilty. Many of the facts discussed in the media were completely false. The victim moved to 5 different states trying to get away from the madness. There were at least 3 credible death threats against her. The negative attention grew so bad that she finally asked the prosecution to drop the case, and they did. It's such a shame that the media and the general public responded to her accusations as they did because seriously, it was an open and shut case when you look at the evidence. That's rare in a rape case.
Hearing all of this from someone that clearly knew the facts and details of that case really makes me wonder about this Duke case. If her accusations are true, she doesn't have much of a chance at justice because jurors are constantly bombarded by the media – most of the public has already made up their minds. If the accusations are false, she's done a HUGE disservice to my profession and to victims everywhere. It’s hard to know what is true in such a hugely publicized case. I recall last year when a particular athlete got "sick," and many of the published "facts" were completely false. That experience has made me very wary about what I read. Our culture worships athletes which, in turn, allows them to be extremely entitled and often beyond reproach. It's a dangerous climate for those who are victimized by them. I know of a particular basketball player in our community who has committed multiple rapes. His victims have observed the Kobe Bryant, Duke Lacrosse team, and AJ Nicholson cases, and they're not willing to report. While their self-preservation makes perfect sense in their own lives, it allows such predators to continue. I'm not blaming the victims for this because I can respect their decisions – I'm blaming the media and our combined attitudes towards these cases. It keeps women silent.
Whew, that was a rant! I know, ya’ll may not care about all of this, but it’s so important to me, and it’s so frustrating to see these things happen. There is so much about this topic that people don’t understand, and sadly, most aren’t interested to learn.
Anyway, Monday means it is back to the grind for all of us. I love my job, but my supervisor and I are having some serious problems. Her blatant disrespect for me on the last night of our conference is going to make work a little awkward on my part. Mike thinks I should quit, but I love my job and clients way too much. Hopefully things will get better soon.
Ta ta!
Current mood: sleepy
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I figured maybe it was time for an update. Life without my dad has been a crazy roller coaster. I have to say thanks to Mike (and a few others) for dealing with my ups and downs. I don't really talk about my dad with many people because I feel like they will get sick of me mentioning him...like it shouldn't be this much of a struggle anymore, but it is. For the first month, things were hard but not terrible. Then, things got really bad. I think the reality began to set in, and that process continues. It's almost been 5 months, yet it still doesn't seem completely real. He still seems real because the memories of him are still so fresh it seems impossible that there will be no more. I look at pictures and I can hear his voice or imagine his facial expressions as he tells a joke no one understands (except Mike). It's just really hard to know that I'll never hear/see that again. I used to call his voicemail at work, just to hear his voice -- they've since taken his message off, and the person I asked to record his message for us forgot to do so. Oh well.
Luckily every day isn't bad anymore, like it was for a while there. It's just so unpredictable. Some days I can talk about my dad and be fine -- others I immediately start to cry. I have greater empathy now for my clients that suffer from severe depression...there have been a couple of days where I just hurt so badly and feel so hopeless. I can't imagine feeling like that every day, but many people do. Holidays are bad. Today is Father's Day, so my mind is working overtime thinking about him. I can't help it. My family has always been extremely close, and any holiday means that our immediate family will spend it together, even if it's just Father's Day. It's hard to celebrate things like Easter and birthdays when such an important member of the group is missing. I'm sure it will get easier, but this year absolutely sucks. We're trying to plan something for Christmas so that we are not here in our house celebrating in the same way we've done it for decades. I think it's going to be hard no matter what.
Sorry to be so down...it's just one of those days. I think overall I'm doing pretty good. When I think about how hard this is for me, I begin to hurt even worse for my mom. I can't imagine being in her shoes. She's doing well though. She too has her bad days and break downs, but I'm impressed with her strength so far. She said at the beginning that she has two choices, to withdrawal and deteriorate or to become stronger and continue living a quality life without him. She appears to be striving for the second choice, and I hope that continues.
On a different note, after cooking Mike the best dinner he's ever had last night, we watched the first three episodes of Lost. I felt a bit let down because everyone has been RAVING about what a great show it is, and I was pretty unimpressed. Had I watched the pilot episode when it was on tv, I don't think I ever would have watched it again. We're going to give the next three episodes a chance today, but unless something picks up, I don't think I'll continue watching. I've got better shows to keep me occupied.
Current mood:  blah
Monday, April 10, 2006
I had one of the worst mornings of my life today -- and no, I'm not being dramatic or exaggerating. Just to give you a little background...last night my parent's dog Lily swallowed a chicken bone. It wasn't a little wing, it was a full-sized drumstick. As you may know, chicken bones are extremely dangerous for dogs. They can splinter inside the body or worse, become lodged in their digestive tract. So my mom takes her to the emergency vet and leaves her overnight for them to watch her until we could take her to our vet this morning. My mom was hysterical. She loves this dog and treats it like her child, even more so since my dad died. If anything happens to this dog on top of everything else that has happened in the last 2 months, I think my mom will lose it. She was freaking out about picking Lily up from the ER vet and taking her to the regular vet this morning before work, so I (stupidly) offered to do it.
I woke up at 6:30am to pick her up by 7, which is when they close each morning. She was chipper and jumping around as if nothing was wrong. I paid the $690 bill (hopefully my frazzled mother will remember to pay me back!) and put Lily in the car. She is the world's most annoying dog, so of course she wouldn't stay in the back and I eventually just gave up and let her sit in the front seat. She finally quieted down and I reached over to pet her when I realized she was peeing on my front seat...a lot. I also noticed that there was quite a bit of blood on my seat. She moved over to get away from the wet pee spot, and blood began spattering everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean it was on the windshield, on the dash board, on the seat, on my purse, on the center console, on the radio, seeping into the buttons on the radio, and all over my right side. Yes, Lily's blood was on my arms, on my face, and in my hair. I grabbed her to try and see what was happening, so at that point, I had pee and blood covering both hands. Think of it as a slow sprinkler system, covering my car.
We finally arrived at the vet, and of course the tech who came to get her was HOT and I'm covered in blood (not that it really matters, but still). I left her there for her surgery and spent the next hour cleaning my car and myself. I got a lot of it out, but there are still some really bad spots on my seat. My car is currently on the market too, so I'm pissed that it's possibly ruined. The vet called and said that the cap had come out of her IV causing the blood to leak out.
I'll probably just take my car to the detailers because I really don't have the patience right now to deal with it. They'll probably call the police because it really does look like a crime scene.
Anyway, just wanted to vent. Hopefully my day won't continue down this path.
Current mood:  frustrated
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
What You Need To Believe To Be A Republican These Days:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.
3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
13. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
Current mood: drained
Thursday, February 2, 2006
12:45 this morning my dad left us. This is so hard.
Friday, January 27, 2006
It's no secret that this has been a really rough week for me. It's interesting though how many good things show up when things are bad. If I had my choice, I'd of course choose to never see those good things if it meant my dad would be okay. I guess now that we know he's not going to be okay, it does help to try to see the good. I'm still amazed with Hospice. Yesterday they came to meet with my dad at home. He could have gone to their offices, but they prefer to do everything in the home, which is nice. Our counselor is the head of the counseling department there, so at least she knows exactly what she is doing so I won't be sizing her up throughout all of this (I can't help it!). She knows my family, so it's much more personal. She hand picked a nurse for my dad -- one that could "stand up to his sense of humor," as she put it. She's been at hospice for 17 years, so it sounds like we've got the Hospice-dream team on our side. We've been fighting with doctors for weeks to get him some oxygen at home and to change his pain medications, which just aren't working for him. The doctors have been stringing us along all this time. At 3:30 yesterday, my dad requested these things of the nurse. At 4:30 the oxygen was delivered and the medications were being filled. It's such a relief to have people working so hard for someone you love. Even the oxygen delivery guy was patient and kind. If we've got to be going through this, I'm so glad it's with all of these great people.
When the hospice stuff was done, my parent's priests came over with 12 of my dad's closest friends (which was a surprise). They all prayed around him for about 30 minutes. It's pretty amazing to see 12 grown men and 2 priests sobbing and expressing their love for another person. My dad has some amazing friends. I think, in times like these, you learn a lot about the people around you. I'm so touched by the amount of people who care.
I realize I'm babbling, but I'm still overwhelmed. To those of you who read this, thanks for listening.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
We signed my dad up for Hospice today. It was really hard to do, but it's almost a relief to have that decision behind us. I can't say that I've accepted it -- I don't know if I ever fully will, but there is a level of comfort knowing that we have professional support that actually cares (something we haven't found with many doctors). My mom and I did the intake today, and the nurse will come see my dad on Monday. She was excellent -- I've never been so impressed with a nurse before. She spent almost 2 hours with us and actually listened (something else that has been lacking through this process). I feel good about having them involved. There's not much to feel good about these days, so I've gotta take what I can get.
My dad is still insisting on going to work every day. It's so weird to me that they say he only has a few weeks left, yet he's still carrying about 80 legal cases. He's nuts. He said today that maybe he will cut back, so we'll see. The nurse gave us some information on the body's process of dying. He definitely fits a lot of the symptoms and criteria, so I guess the doctors are probably correct. Deep down I know that my family will be okay -- we'll get through this and be happy again. It's just so hard, much harder than I ever would have imagined.
Monday, January 23, 2006
9:09AM
Sorry about yesterday's depressing entry, I'm just very overwhelmed right now. Looking back, it seems that the only time I update is when I'm upset. Despite my journal, I promise that overall, I'm not a horribly depressed person. I've got a lot of good things going on as well. Most exciting is my big move this weekend! Well, it's not really a big move (still in town), but I can't wait. I'm moving into a 1 bedroom apartment which is actually the pool house of a beautiful mansion! It's really cute and very nice. It will be my first time living without roommates, but I think that will be good for me. Not only is this place beautiful, there are lots of perks. First is obviously the pool parties we will have (she's also thinking about putting in a hot tub). She also grows her own fruits, veggies, and herbs and happily shares them. And, get this, she rents the back part of her home to a massage therapist! Most importantly, it's about 5 minutes away from my parent's house. It will be nice to no longer be across town from them. I think I will be very comfortable in my new little apartment. Thanks in advance to those who will be helping me move next Saturday -- it's greatly appreciated.
In other news, this is scary stuff:
http://www.keloland.com/NewsDetail2817.cfm?Id=0,45410
Current mood:  working Current music: No music -- I'm at work
Sunday, January 22, 2006
My dad won't be receiving any more treatment for his cancer -- according to every doctor involved (and there are many), there is no point. The cancer has most likely spread to his lungs, and as one doctor put it, he has entered the dying process. He said it could be a matter of weeks, but there is really no way to predict. We're calling Hospice on Monday.
I know it probably sounds stupid to say that I'm in shock because it's been almost a year since his diagnosis, but I am. From day one, I thought my dad would beat this. I never thought we would get to this point this soon. Anyone who knows my dad will speak about his strength and his stubborn, never quit personality. He doesn't let anything get the best of him, ever. He's also one of the most religious and faithful people I've ever met. He is one of the few people in this world that lives his life for God and not for himself. He puts EVERYONE, even strangers, before himself. He gives to anyone in need. From the beginning, I thought that there was no way God would take someone like that from this Earth. I've heard so many stories of people who have overcome terrible illnesses and grim odds. Maybe I'm naive, but I was sure we would get our own miracle. I'm having a hard time accepting that it's almost over.
I love my dad more than your average 22 year old. We've had a special bond all of my life. I know one shouldn't have favorites in their families, but he's definitely mine. He's the reason why I'm trying to create a life dedicated helping others -- I've had the perfect example. This is going to be such a huge loss for me. He's never going to meet his grand-kids. He's not going to retire with my mom. He's too young and has too much life left to live. One of my favorite pictures of my dad was taken right as he was about to walk my sister down the aisle at her wedding. He looks so excited and proud. I'm never going to have that moment with him.
I really need support right now. I'm not one to ask for help or support from my friends, I'd much rather be the one dishing it out, but I don't know what to do with myself. I'm doing the best that I can, but I feel like I'm getting to the breaking point. I'm heartbroken. Please pray for my family and for my dad.
Wednesday, January 4, 2006
I'm a dork -- I love filling these things out (it gives me something to do). I'll write a real update soon, I promise.
2005 Recap
In The Beginning......
-Where did you bring in the New Year? at Mike's house with my 3 favorite boys :)
-Who were you with? Guess I got ahead of myself before -- Mike, Chris, and Michael (and of course Abby and Chompy)
-Did you kiss anyone at midnight? everyone in the room
-Did you make any resolutions? to lose weight -- too bad I just gained a ton instead
2005 Your Love Life....
-Single/Taken? Taken
-How many relationships did you have? just Mike
-How many break ups? None
2005 Friends and Enemies......
-Did you meet any new friends this year? Chris and Elena, Kristin, Brian, Amanda, and Bonnie
-Did any of your friendships end? I've definitely drifted apart from people, but no dramatic endings
-Did you dislike anyone? Doesn't everyone?
-Did you get into any fights? yep
-Did you resolve any fights? all of them, I think (I hope)
-Who was your closest friend? Mike
2005....The Holidays!
-Did you have a Valentine? yep!
-Did the Easter bunny visit you? of course
-Did watch fireworks on the 4th of July? Watched some great ones down at the beach the night before -- Mike and I attempted to watch the ones at the park, but we didn't have much luck
-Did you dress up for Halloween? It's my favorite holiday! I was pregnant Brittany Spears (Mike was K-Fed)
-What did you do for Thanksgiving? We had an Indian Thanksgiving made by Chris, and I had a traditional Thanksgiving with my family
-Did you make a wish list for the holidays? yes, but it was short
-Did you receive what you wanted? much much more...it was quite overwhelming
-Were you good this holiday season? a little angel :)
2005 Your BIRTHDAY!!!
-How old did you turn? 22
-Did you have a cake? we had an ice cream sunday bar
-What did you do for your birthday? cookout with my family
-Did you have a party? got extremely intoxicated at the Irish Pub with some great friends
-Did you get any presents? yep -- my favorite present was a beautiful strand of pearls from my dad
2005......The Memories and Accomplishments!
-Funniest Memory? too many
-Saddest Memory? the doctors giving my dad 6 months to live (and then three, and then another six)
-Favorite Memory? trip to NYC with my family
-Best Accomplishment? Finished my Master's degree and landed my dream job!
2005.....FAVORITES!
-Favorite TV shows? Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The Apprentice
-Favorite songs? anything Kelly Clarkson
-Favorite food? bacon wrapped filet mignon (and I wonder why I've gained weight)
-Favorite stores? Banana Republic and Kenneth Cole
-Favorite restaurants? Georgio's, Manna, Bonefish, Jasmine
-Favorite piece of clothing? my black halter-top dress
2005.....All about YOU....
-Did you change at all this year? I've grown up a lot and learned a great deal about myself
-Was 2005 a good year? I can't answer that. 2005 was all about extremes -- great things happened and absolutely horrible things happened
-Did 2005 bring any new insights? it brought a lot of confusion
-Do you think 2006 will top 2005? I sure hope so
-Do you have any goals for 2006? to get a 175 on the LSAT (ha!) and to get into Georgetown for law school. It is also my goal to see my dad get better, but I obviously have no control over that.
-Do you wish 2005 wouldn't end? nah
-Do you plan to do anything special for NYE 2006? well since that has already past, I can say that I had an awesome time at Chris and Elena's house playing poker and drinking tons of champagne
Current mood: sleepy Current music: NPR
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
What's the big deal about the show Lost?
Quite frankly, it sucks.
Anyway, that's all.
Current mood:  bored
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
What have YOU done...
1. smoked a cigarette – Only when I drink...yeah, I'm the annoying girl who takes your cigarettes at bars, parties, and poker night
2. smoked a cigar – yes, but yuck
3. made out with a member of the same sex – haha, yeah
4. crashed a friend's car – of course not
5. stolen a car – nope
6. been in love - yep
7. been dumped – once, by Mike, 2 years ago...lasted about 2 weeks
8. shoplifted – stealing underwear used to be one of my weaknesses...haven't done it in a while though
9. been fired? – of course not
10. been in a fist fight – hell no...I'm a wimp
11. snuck out of your house – hasn't everyone?
12. had feelings for someone who didnt have them back – again, hasn't everyone?
13. been arrested – nope
14. made out with a stranger – actually, I don't think so. The closest would be people at summer camp, but I would always get to know them first
15. gone on a blind date – nope
16. lied to a friend – sadly, yes (that doesn't feel good to admit)
17. had a crush on a teacher – I always seem to fall for my teachers...guess that's why I'm attracted to Mike ;)
18. skipped school – yep...trips to the beach in high school were great fun
19. slept with a co-worker – no
20. seen someone die – more than once
21. been on a plane – many many times...I've jumped out of one too!
22. thrown up in a bar – nope...I'm happy to say that I wait until I get home and throw up on Mike instead (sorry honey!)
23. taken painkillers – for physical pain, yes
24. love someone or miss someone right now – yes
25. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by – yep
26. made a snow angel – yes...not as fun as it looks on TV
27. played dress up – of course
28. cheated while playing a game – in third grade, I'd always offer to be the banker in Monopoly so I could slip myself extra money
29. been lonely – a few times
30. fallen asleep at work/school – at school, but not recently
31. used a fake id – I had one in my wallet, but I was always too scared to use it
32. felt an earthquake - Thank God, no
33. touched a snake - yep
56. worn the opposite sex's clothes – yeah
57. been a cheerleader – haha, yeah. In ninth grade I tried out for one of those teams that you see on ESPN, just to keep my friend company(she really wanted to make it). I made it, but I quit after a couple months.
58. sat on a roof top – yep...roof tops are some of the most relaxing places to be
59. didn't take a shower for a week – yep, while I was in Africa
60. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone - all the time
61. played chicken – no
62. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on – yeah
63. been told you're hot by a complete stranger – unfortunately no
64. broken a bone – multiple bones (I'm a little clumsy)
65. been easily amused – all the time...you've got to appreciate the little things
66. laugh so hard you cry – oh yeah, and I can't stop myself...it's embarassing when it happens
67. mooned/flashed someone – more times than I could possibly count
68. cheated on a test – 11th grade chemistry
69. forgotten someone's name – yeah, but it's rare
70. slept naked – sometimes
71. gone skinny dipping in a pool – yep
72. been kicked out of your house – of course not
73. blacked out from drinking – I don't think so...not completely anyway
74. played a prank on someone - yep, I was a bit of a bully in the early years
75. played poker - every Thursday night!!
Current mood: bored Current music: Watching Oprah
Thursday, November 17, 2005
I think yesterday/early this morning can safely go down in history as one of the worst days ever (with a much needed, enjoyable 4 hour break from the shit). I think I'm so overwhelmed that I can't even feel anything right now. Fuck you November 16...fuck you. What to do now??? First on my list of to do's: tie up any loose ends with my dad (doctor's orders). Apparently things have become that bad. Fuck it. And my biggest source of support...it's fucked up too. To make things worse...it's all my fault. If anyone has any brilliant suggestions on how to get my fucking life back in order, please let me know. This is getting ridiculous.
Current mood: depressed
Sunday, November 13, 2005
So I'm pissed (I know, I know...what else is new). Mike's parents are in town, and I'll get to see them tonight for dinner. I had suggested that our parents meet during this visit. Mike's parents agreed, so it was all going to go down tonight. Turns out, my dad is too sick today to meet them, which is understandable. His condition is different each day, and it's not really predictable. My mom asked if I wanted just her to come, and I said no, I'd really like both of them to be there when the meeting occurs. My mom said "Well, dad probably won't ever be well enough, he may not even be around anymore the next time they come to visit."
I don't think a single sentence has ever pissed me off to this degree. I don't want to hear that shit, esp. from my mom. I hate this.
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Why am I granted only one really great day in the midst of a bunch of shit. Seriously, my joy is a bit short lived. Don't get me wrong, I'm still extraordinarily excited about my new job, but the last few weeks at my current one are going to be hell. I gave my boss my notice today right before lunch, and now she's not really speaking to me. I walk by her office, and she looks away...no eye contact, no nothing. That's definitely mature. I've yet to tell any of my other coworkers, so that's gonna suck too. What really sucked (although I'm kinda laughing about the concept now that it's over) is I had to ask for 2 days off right after putting in my 2 week notice. So, to accommodate those two days, I'll have to work three more weeks, including no time off for Thanksgiving, before I'm free (if my boss decides to "approve" those days off). I'll be counting down the days! At least the dreaded conversation with my boss is over and done with...the worst part is over, and I can survive 3 weeks.
I had to ask for those days off because my family is going to Sloan Kettering hospital in NYC -- my dad has an appointment with an esophageal cancer specialist there on 11/21. Why does he need an appointment if his tests last week came back cancer free, you may ask. Well, joy was short lived as well. Turns out my dad's cancer is gone in his esophogus, but it has spread to three new spots. It's eating away at his bones in his thighs, shoulders, and pelvis. He is starting to have a hard time walking since parts of his bones are actually gone. They thought the tests were showing bone marrow regeneration, not cancer, but they were wrong. He's gonna start radiation this week on those spots if the hospital in NYC will approve it. Their policy is that the person is not receiving treatment when they see him/her, but this is a special circumstance seeing as his bones could be broken if we waited. I wish that my dad didn't have to deal with this. We thought that we got our miracle (and I guess in a sense we did...he was never supposed to respond to treatment at all), but here we go again. It sucks...it really really sucks. I'm not ready to lose my dad. He's only 55 and I'm only 22. There are so many landmarks and memories to be had, and my family may not get to have them. Maybe I'm being selfish...I guess it always could be worse, but that doesn't change the fact that it sucks. Anyway, that was my day.
Current mood: melancholy
Monday, November 7, 2005
4:48PM
I GOT THE COUNSELING JOB!!!!
Let me repeat in case you didn't catch that...
I GOT MY DREAM JOB!!!!
Man I'm so happy. I can't even put it into words. Tomorrow's going to suck when I give my notice to the hospital. I'm not going to worry about that right now...I'm too damn happy.
Hooray!
Current mood:  excited
Friday, November 4, 2005
This week has been weird. I feel like things have either been really horrible or really great. Actually, I can't really remember much of this week, so only those extreme aspects are sticking out. Anyway, last night in the middle of poker, my mom told me that my classmate's brother/professor's son died a few nights ago in a car accident. He simply was speeding and lost control. I can't imagine how they must all feel right now...I can come close to understanding their pain, but not really. It's so scary how much life can change in an instant. I realize that statement is made all of the time, but it's so true. He was only 21.
This morning I found out that one of my patients died yesterday in a car accident as well. I don't know if it was suicide or an accident. I doubt I'll ever find out, but maybe I just don't want to know. What if I didn't do enough for her...
On a brighter note, my dad got the results of his diagnostic tests back. He's been off all treatment for almost 2 months now, so they can actually see where he stands. At the beginning of all of this (last March/April) they gave him 6 months to live. So...I found out yesterday afternoon that the tests confirm NO CANCER. I can't really fathom it yet. It's pretty unbelievable. There is no way that he should have done that well in treatment. It's beginning to renew my faith...I really don't know what else to attribute his success. This is great news, but unfortunately it was somewhat short lived. Turns out another test shows suspicious spots in his legs, so he's getting an MRI to confirm if it's cancer or not. There is a chance that it is just very active bone marrow regenerating after all of the chemo. It just kinda sucked, cause when my dad gave me the good news, he failed to mention this other part. Anyway, yesterday it kinda sucked all the joy out of me, but today I'm really thankful and happy again. Even if it is a new spot in his leg, it's treatable by radiation. Regardless, the fact that the HUGE tumor in his esophagus and all of the tumors on his spine are gone is an absolute miracle. Gone gone gone. It's amazing.
So yeah, a few days of major ups and major downs. It's quite exhausting. I'm excited for the weekend...tonight is date night and Mike's turn to plan. Tomorrow, Mike and I are going to the game with Ricky (as usual), Chris and Elena. Football makes me feel better, so it should be a good day (if we win, of course). I think I have an unreasonable amount of confidence in my team, so in my mind, we've got this one in the bag.
I think now I'll take a quick nap before Mike comes to get me. I'm exhausted from my stupid job. I'm trying so hard not to let it get me too depressed. I apologize to everyone for complaining about it so much.
Hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend.
Current mood: drained
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